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He didn’t die

September 10, 2010

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day, and all I can think to say is HE DIDN’T DIE!

He tried once, and tried again, but OH MY GOD I’m so glad it didn’t work. He is alive and well and still with me and our children and together we get another chance to carry on each day trying to find hope and happiness and a reason to go on living.

And that thought is enough to remind me of all of the happy, easy moments we have had together in the short months since that day he could have died. Walking on the beach and marveling at the crazy crashing waves. All those many hours curled up on our bed together, reading our books, talking about our kids. Getting cozy in a hotel room on our anniversary. Watching our daughters play endless soccer games.  Fishing with our nieces and nephews. Enjoying a crepe breakfast with our friends. Going out for chai latte and coffee on a regular basis, now that our kids are old enough to be left alone.

None of those are monumental moments in a marriage, but they are monumental in OUR marriage, because they almost didn’t happen.

I love you buddy, and I thank God you didn’t die.

For rushing out this morning, a little ticked off and a little impatient, I apologize. I will never be perfect, and I will never treat you perfectly, because I am human, but I love you and I want to grow old with you and I am thankful EVERY SINGLE DAY that you didn’t die.

11 Comments leave one →
  1. September 10, 2010 8:43 am

    This is a beautiful post. ((hugs)) to you both. And many years ahead together.

  2. September 10, 2010 9:04 am

    YES, thank God. This has brought tears to my eyes, as I tally up those whom I have known and loved who were not as lucky – not the best word I know, AND gratitude for us who are.

  3. ccap permalink
    September 10, 2010 12:05 pm

    Yup, I’m glad too.

  4. September 10, 2010 12:40 pm


  5. September 10, 2010 12:59 pm

    Good stuff.

  6. September 10, 2010 2:44 pm

    “No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.” — Robert Frost. Heather, Mr. Frost would be proud of you today.

    M, I am so very glad you didn’t die.

    Love to both of you and to your girls.

  7. September 10, 2010 6:17 pm

    I am too.
    Hugs for you both.
    I have loved ones who have struggled with this also.
    I think the noblest thing of all is the honesty of sharing the story. It is kept a secret by too many and in the end I think that is what causes so many people to lose the battle with depression and mental illness.
    Thank you for sharing.
    Thank you for staying.
    Thank you for being human.
    You both rock!

  8. September 10, 2010 11:45 pm

    I’m glad too, Marcel.

  9. September 11, 2010 7:58 am

    Searing honesty and raw vulnerability here. I admire you – both – for your bravery, both in facing the challenges and sharing the story.

  10. Renee permalink
    September 14, 2010 8:48 am

    Even the every day, ordinary moments can be extraordinary, as you know. I’m so glad you’re both here to continue to make memories as a family.

  11. September 14, 2010 12:20 pm

    Someone very close to me has gone through this twice with her man. I hope her outcome is like your. I am always so afraid when she calls late in the night . . . .

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