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Trying

April 17, 2010

I’m trying to believe…

– that there is reason for hope and that it won’t always be snuffed out like it has been this week.

– that this feeling that the whole world is resting on my shoulders will some day pass.

– that the herculean effort that it takes to make things normal and stable for my children right now will be worth it.

– that my children really are handling this as well as they seem to be.

– that the hundreds of tears that my pillow has had to absorb will some day cease to flow.

– that I won’t always have to clean puke off the floor at 4:00 a.m. on top of everything else I have to handle right now.

– that there really is a God and that s/he doesn’t hate me as much as it seems.

– that the moments I have managed to be warrior woman and fight the system to advocate for my beloved will result in good things in the end.

– that there will come a time when I don’t have to pretend that life is normal and make small talk with the other soccer moms, and then drive off the parking lot sobbing all the way home.

– that I will continue to have enough restraint not to throw things at people who say stupid or un-called-for things.

– that one day, I’ll have a perfectly normal, carefree day again,

– that someone with the right wisdom will show up and help the healing process begin.

– that whatever the cost, love is still worth it in the end.

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11 Comments leave one →
  1. April 17, 2010 9:24 pm

    may you be held in compassion
    may your pain and sorrow be eased
    may you be free

    blessings to you in this very difficult time, katy

  2. April 17, 2010 10:04 pm

    Praying for you.
    Really, truly.

  3. April 17, 2010 11:14 pm

    What incredible stress you are going through. Be as kind to yourself as you can be although as you and emotions are pulled in every direction, I know that’s a zillion times easier to say than do. Hugs.

  4. April 18, 2010 5:10 am

    I pray that your life gets back to normal, although your sense of normal may be forever changed. Sometimes the rug is ripped out from under us but it sounds as if you are living your circumstances with grace while fighting a battle you did not welcome into your life. My wish for you is that you manage to hold faith.

  5. April 18, 2010 9:55 am

    i pray for some peace and answers where there may be none now for you.
    and love. lots and lots of love.

  6. April 18, 2010 1:08 pm

    All shall be well…

    I’ve said it a million and one times, even when I didn’t believe it, even when it felt like acid in my mouth…

    And it turned out, every single time, to be true.

    I say it for you now.

  7. Anne Walling permalink
    April 18, 2010 2:14 pm

    Heather, I can see from your words that you are experiences some major challenges right now and my heart goes out to you. I wish I has some magic words that would make you feel great but all I can say is I am praying for you and your family and will continue to do so until all is well again.
    Anne

  8. April 18, 2010 2:17 pm

    It’s all worth it. I’ve been through family stuff I can’t even talk about without crying, and yet it panned out in the end. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.

  9. Dovelily permalink
    April 18, 2010 8:06 pm

    Much love and many, many prayers go out to your and your family during this dark time.

  10. April 19, 2010 5:48 am

    You may feel alone, but you aren’t. Even though many of us who care for you cannot be physically present, we’re commending you to the gentle arms of Spirit.

  11. April 20, 2010 10:09 pm

    I just looked, and you and the family are still snuggled in the lap of my heart.

    Big hugs.

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