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Slow dancing with change – advice to myself

March 31, 2010

There are knots trying to untie themselves in my stomach. Big decisions trying to get made. Big ideas trying to find space to grown. Big worries trying to overshadow those big ideas. Big questions. Big doubts. Big and dangerous transformation trying to happen.

The other day I tweeted: “Holding this phrase in my heart today: ‘In the fullness of time.’  When the time is right, the shift will come.”

Honestly, though? I suck at “the fullness of time”. I’m really, really impatient. When I decide I want to take a certain path, I want to take it NOW, not six months from now when the timing is better.  You’d think I’d have learned this lesson by now, after so many times in my history when I’d wring my hands hoping for something to change IMMEDIATELY and then – when it changed at a later time and turned out in a better way than I’d even dreamed – I’d realize “oh THAT’S why it was better to wait”.

But, alas, those lessons seem to be lost on me whenever I’m chomping at the bit waiting for a new story to unfold. Like an unruly child, I squirm and shout “Now! I want it NOW!”

I’m not quite sure what this post is for. No great wisdom or revelation here. Just the wrestlings of a restless soul.

BUT… if I were to write myself an advice column, I would tell myself:

1. Change is inevitable. Embrace it, dance with it, but don’t try to rush it.

2. Slow down. Transformation takes time. The cocoon will be broken open when the butterfly is ready to be released. Break it open sooner and the butterfly dies.

3. There is a force greater than you at play in the world. Trust it. Spend time with it. Let the Spirit hold your hand and whisper in your ear.

4. You have good friends who understand things about the world. Share your secrets with them and they may just whisper words of wisdom you didn’t let yourself believe to be true.

5. There are lessons to be learned in the waiting. You NEED these lessons. Take time for them.

6. Sometimes you need to let things go – some really GOOD things – to step into a new story. Don’t worry, you’ll find new things in the new space and they’ll probably be just what you need for the person you’ve become.

7. Be gentle with your family. They may not understand what you’re going through. But they want to see you happy.

8. Sometimes, the people who love you the most are the ones most resistant to seeing you change and grow. It’s probably because they want to keep you safe.

9. The “road less travelled” sometimes has scary shit on the path – monsters and falling trees and huge crevices – tread carefully, but don’t give up. It’s still the right path.

10. That ugly feeling of restlessness and worry and doubt and angst all balled up in the pit of your stomach? This too shall pass.

Now if only I were good at following my own advice!

7 Comments leave one →
  1. March 31, 2010 11:17 am

    There is so much wisdom here. And I love it that you say how hard it is to actually follow the advice that you know is good! Knowing these things and living them are utterly different.

    Hearing that things will flower when it’s time is so helpful. Not that the idea is to passively wait, but the reminder that we can undo good work by rushing the process is something I needed today. Once I’ve made peace with the prospect of change, I’m ready for transformation NOW. Maybe that’s trying to get change over with and move on to the next thing.

    Remembering that a force greater than I am is at work along with me is exactly what I need to do. Thanks.

  2. March 31, 2010 12:24 pm


    I hope all of the thoughts you have shared in the last few weeks are the basis for your book. You have a wonderful ability to put words and feelings to the human experiences that we all encounter at times of thoughtfulness and decision.

    When I have those butterflies I sometimes go for a long walk outside and speak all my thoughts to the universe – it’s big enough to hold them for me. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing yourself so honestly and deeply – it helps all of us to know that we are not alone…

  3. hiroboga permalink
    March 31, 2010 3:52 pm

    Dear Heather,

    Your wise self has such clarity about the process you’re in. And it’s so right too that others of your selves are chomping at the bit to get on with it.

    I wish you peace in the midst of uncertainty, patience in the midst of hurry, attunement to the new story that’s unfolding, and a playground where all your selves can have fun together.

    xo Hiro

  4. March 31, 2010 9:27 pm

    good luck with your changes that are ahead. hope the transitions go smoothly. hugs!!

  5. April 2, 2010 6:48 pm

    I hope you dance.

  6. April 10, 2010 3:32 pm

    Hi Heather. Wonderful advice. I was trying to decide which my top 3 or 5 are from your list but I can’t. They’re all so good. Susan forwarded me your blog, and I’m glad she did. It’s a blessing to read this post. I hope to meet you one day.

    Sweet blessings,

  7. Dovelily permalink
    April 14, 2010 12:35 pm

    I love this post! So much great advice! Thank you!

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